The rainbow you see is often part of the scenery.

Whatsapped a friend last night and knew more about her family life. She has a tough marriage (at least it is tough from my point of view). I was surprised because her posts all looked so happy. She looked happy on social media. She is not, really.

This is the third time this year where I discovered a person/family is the complete opposite of what it looked like on the surface. Two families I worked with had mothers who were not very hands-on with their teenagers and later I found out all the problems they faced at home. Suddenly the mothers' behaviors made sense. Suddenly the teenagers' behaviors made sense. Suddenly the interactions between the moms and the teens made sense. Suddenly everything made sense. I immediately changed the way I worked with them and adjusted the expectations. 

If I did not know what went on behind closed doors, I would still form an inaccurate picture of the people and the families. I judged, intentionally or not. I judged. 

I was quietly shocked to realize I would have done the same if I was in the same situation as the parent. Here I was judging the mother and after hearing her story I realized her option was the realistic one though not the best from an outsider's point of view. I would have done what she did. And I judged her in my heart. Shame on me.

I knew I have to change. I no longer take what I see on social media as the whole truth. I do not assume based on the interactions I see from the teenagers and their parents. I get information when I can, so that I have the whole picture. Then I can help (which is my job). I can then be efficient because I am here to help the teenagers and their parents. I am here to be emotionally supportive for my friends. If I want to know what's happening, I whatsApp my friend.

The rainbow you see is often part of the scenery. 

Oh yes you can check out my drawings on facebook. Account name is labelled on the drawing.